I wish that things were different and honestly I wish I weren’t me. The sting of those words that came out of your mouth today were like a heavy blow to the stomach. I’ve never ever given up so much for someone in my life, and I’ve never ever given up people for someone. People can say what ever they want to make the situation better, but I’m never believing one word until I see it. I’ve lost so much in the past few years, and when I became best friends with you I thought you would never ever do this to me. Graduating early sounds fun at the moment, but what are you gonna do after the fact? You’re gonna miss it. You say you won’t but you will. There is nothing about graduating early that is pleasant to me or Jackie. You’re leaving us. And it sucks. No matter how much you say you aren’t, you ARE. You’re ruining our plans on so many levels. Quit frankly I’m done with gettin close to someone to only be put right through the ground where I’ve always been. And this is why I’m not going, actually I REFUSE, to get close with anyone anymore. I’m focusing on me, and if you see me leaving you’ll know exactly why. I’m not saying i’m completely done, I’m saying that I’m done being hurt. And if I feel that hurt ever again, I won’t even say a word I’ll just leave. Because no one ever deserves to feel that way or be treated like that.
Realizing that you’re not yourself anymore is hard to take in. Especially when it comes from a loved one or someone close to that. I hate being told that I’ve changed.. when in my eyes I feel like I haven’t. But, once you take a step back from all the idiots telling you how to run your life and what not, you realize how and who you are. Physically and mentally.
Example No.1: I NEVER EVER wake up and bother to do my make up or my hair anymore. Matter of fact, I don’t put any effort into my looks or my wordrobe. But when your family is practically BROKE and with little money, it never helps the fact.
Example No.2: I never clean or do anything my parents tell me to. Mostly mom, because my dad could care less what I did as long as I wasn’t ruining myself or any personal property. Sounds like a normal dad, huh? Yep. I feel like I could do so much for my mom, but I never do.
Main two reasons are those, and I’m working on being a better person in general and to be closer to God and those who obviously care about me unconditionally. Peace niggas.
There is no way I can express how much regret and uncertainty I have towards you at this moment. I’m done being a rebound and even though I say that I’m “done”, I don’t think I would ever get over the fact that she’s more important to you than I am.
We haven’t spoken in months, and I miss it. I miss talking to you until we had nothing else to talk about. I miss your corny jokes and your calls you gave me that I always rejected. Only because I was so afraid you might tell me something that I would want to hear, and even get your hooks even deeper into me. But, I never did. Or at least tried to. I don’t understand how I can be so attached to someone I barely know. I just feel like i’ve known you for a while now. Although it might just feel like that because you’ve fucked me over so many time. I don’t know when I’ll ever learn, well at least not now.. I guess.
Seriously? You’re still gonna talk shit? After all you said to me yesterday and when you told me you were gonna apologize? No. This is fucked up on your part. You’re a runner, and you give up on everyone and everything. I have no clue what I did to make you not want to be around me anymore and hate me and whoever I hangout with, but I guarantee that you are going to regret everything that you’ve been doing to me. You will have no one after me, and I was your rock, and now you’ve got an empty whole. You’re not the person you were four months ago… and boo fucking who. People change I guess. You can gain some people in your life and you can loose some people too? Bullshit.
When bitches constantly talk shit and you’re just like, “SHUT THE FACK UP ALREADY”. -___-
